One of the best friends I’ve ever had passed away recently, and I went to pay my last respects to him, and his wife and family. I said goodbye for the last time and it hurts to know I will never see him again.
As I think about this cold reality, I wonder how many other people I have already seen for the last time, how many things I’ve done for the last time, that I don’t even know about yet. I used to carry my sons on my back up the stairs every nite to bed and tuck them in and tell them I loved them when they were little. I don’t remember the last time I did it. They grew older, got bigger and no longer needed or wanted me to carry them I guess. But if I knew I was doing it for the last time, I would have lingered longer, talked more, made sure they knew how special they were. That last “Catch” in the backyard, the last time I helped them with their homework, or bought them an ice cream cone at the beach, or watched them play a game or a sport.. they passed with barely a thought.
I remember them all. I just don’t remember the last time because I didn’t know it was..I’ve lost friends and family to death, to disagreements, to irreparably broken trust, to time and distance and apathy. I always assumed we had time to mend the fences, have that talk, hear the apologies, forgive, and start anew.
Buddha teaches that the biggest mistake we make is that we think we have time.. until we realize we don’t. Some people wish they could go back in time and correct their mistakes, repair their relationships, and say what needed to be said. I’d rather know when the last time is I will see that person, carry that child on my shoulders, have that “ catch” and watch that game. It would make life more memorable, more special, and it would give me the opportunity to express what it all meant to me before the final sad inevitable goodbyes.
I don’t know what people will say when I’m gone. But I’d really rather hear them say it while I’m still here, even if it’s for the last time.
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